Let’s be honest. Complaining is so easy. When you’re around other people, you’ll find that complaining is relatable, and an effective way to bond with people over shared challenges.
But complaining is also, by definition, negative. And that complaining you have been doing with those that around you may also be pushing them away without you even realizing it.
No One Likes Complainers
What’s fascinating about complaining is that even though complaining seems to be the easiest way to bond with others in conversation, it is also one of the least welcome types of conversation. That is because complaining has many problematic qualities that can alienate others, including:
- Complaining Makes It Hard to Feel Comfortable – Both consciously and subconsciously, complaining causes people to doubt your sincerity and enjoyment in your activities together. People that complain cause other people to wonder if they’re really having fun, or if they genuinely think positively of them, and this can cause people to push themselves away so as not to be hurt.
- Complaining Brings Less Value – Beneath the surface, most people ask themselves regularly who and what in their life brings them value, joy, and happiness. Complaining does none of those things. We may feel like the person welcomes their complaining (and in some cases they might feel like they’re okay with it at the surface), but when that person goes home they rarely feel happier about the experience.
- Complaining Makes You More Negative – Complaining is also a unique problem, in that it can cause people to start to see more negative things when they’re not there. The very same things you are complaining about may be objectively positive, but because you’re used to complaining you start to point out the negative. This can make you unhappier with life, which in turn can cause others to be less happy with you.
Complaining is also problematic because it pushes away others that may not be sharing the same negative thoughts about the event. No one wants to disagree with someone who dislikes something else, but they may actually have positive feelings about it and are simply agreeing with you because they do not want to dissent.
Learning to be Grateful is the Answer
The more you let yourself see the world through a negative lens, the more likely you are going to develop habits which automatically look at the negative in every situation.
But if you want to feel happier about the world, and you want others to feel happier with you, you have to push yourself to learn to appreciate life and see the good – even in bad situations. Those that have the most fulfilling friendships and feel that they’re living the happiest lives are able to continue to be positive, both by themselves and with their friends.
Developing that gratefulness after years of cynicism can be challenging, and certainly you have to fight the urge to be cynical about it. But you can learn to be more grateful, through:
- Holding back your complains and being more positive in conversation.
- Giving yourself reminders to be grateful for something every single day.
- Being more positive and thankful on social media, and sharing information you are genuinely grateful for.
These are only some of the many exercises that you can complete that will help you better see the good in what you experience, and develop an appreciation for the people and events that have played such a special role in your life.
There is Always Something to Appreciate
Even in the worst situations, there is some good. When you train yourself to learn how to see this good, you’ll become a more positive person, and those around you will be able to feel that positive energy and find themselves growing closer to you.